This is the time of year when many people evaluate the last
year and make “resolutions” about the coming year. Lose that last 10 pounds,
get that promotion at work, go back to school, stop smoking or drinking, get
out of debt, work on our relationships with people, volunteer somewhere, learn
to say no more and yes less, actually complete one of the
numerous things we’ve pinned to Pinterest, travel somewhere exotic (or anywhere
at all) … New year’s resolutions tend to run the gamut, and whether or not we take
pen to paper and write down our resolutions, there’s something that all of us
want to do differently or have happen in the coming year.
I think we need to be cautious when setting such goals,
though. Rather, we need to be cautious in how we determine whether or not we are
“successful” with our resolutions. In my mind, success is one part the “traditional”
definition of accomplishing our goals and one part looking beyond the
traditional definition. When I spoke at my high school graduation a little over
10 years ago, I touched on the latter. I encouraged my classmates to think
twice about society’s superficial standards of success, establish their own definitions,
and shape their lives around those ideas. In doing so, I quoted a poem often
attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson but actually composed by Bessie Stanley:
To laugh
often and much;
To win
the respect of intelligent people
and the
affection of small children;
To earn
the appreciation of honest critics
and to endure
the betrayal of false friends;
To
appreciate beauty;
To find
the best in others;
To leave
the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy
child, a garden path
or a
redeemed social condition;
To know
even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is
to have succeeded.[1]
When we think about success, “[winning] … the affection
of small children” or “finding the best in others” aren’t always the first
things on our minds. It’s whether we’re on pace to lose those 10 pounds or
whether we’re getting that promotion or whether we’re making a dent in our
student loans. Too often, we measure success by tangible rulers rather than
intangible rulers. I’ve talked to so many people this past year who’ve gotten
down on themselves because they didn’t accomplish what they set out to, aren’t
where they thought they’d be by the time they hit X years old, or haven’t found their niche in life. (I myself have
even struggled with these.) Yet if these people would peek around their lofty lists,
they’d see that they actually have been successful. I know a woman who’s been
trying to figure out what she’s supposed to do career-wise and has been
disappointed that she isn’t where she thought she’d be at this point in life. Yet
because of where she worked this year, she was able to take charge on managing my
mom’s cancer policy, and my whole family breathed easier knowing that Mom was
in her capable and loving hands if the cancer diagnosis was more serious than the
doctors thought. That’s success. I
know another person who’s spent the last year struggling with the fact that he
hasn’t achieved a goal he’s held for a long as he can remember, questioning
himself and whether he’s made the right decisions. But I bet if you ask any one
of his family or friends what they see when they look at him, they’ll tell you that
they see somebody who’s the definition of hard work, perseverance, and
determination, somebody who’s an inspiration to others around him. That’s success. Success isn’t just about
checking off the items on our lists—it’s about the “little” moments in-between that,
while seemingly innocuous and irrelevant to our plans, can actually have a big
impact on another person’s life.
So as we reflect on 2012, let’s try not to focus solely
on what we did and didn’t accomplish—let’s also look for ways in which we, “[left]
the world a bit better.” And as we go about achieving our goals for 2013, let’s
remember to look for small moments in which we can allow somebody to “[breathe]
easier” because of something we say or do.
Best wishes for 2013, and may we be
successful in all that we do.
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