She's Going the Distance

The Girl Who Formerly Hated Running

Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Very Harry Potteresque. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite have the draw that will make it the crux of a $15 billion franchise. But it will get me a blog post …

If you haven’t figured it out yet, The Girl Who Formerly Hated Running is me. The word run used to make me break out into a cold sweat. I dreaded the first few weeks of high school soccer season because they invariably involved suicide upon six-minute mile runs upon stadiums upon 180s (shudder) upon whatever other cockamamie running scheme the coaches came up with. Running with a ball or in drills was fine, but Just Plain Running was a different story. Just Plain Running was pure torture, with a capital T.

And then a year ago happened. At my one-year post-surgery checkup, I asked my hip surgeon if I could play soccer again. He told me I probably could … if I traded in the gym elliptical for the pavement. Imagine how elated I was. (That’s sarcasm, folks.) But I gritted my teeth, shoved the whimpering part of me into a distant dimension inside myself, and laced up my kicks. The first run was … well let’s just say that my hip wasn’t too happy about this new exercise, and it let me know exactly how it felt. And I spent the majority of that “run” walking. But with that round, white-and-black carrot dangling in front of my nose, I continued to get out there.

As I did, something magical started to happen—I started to enjoy running. I’m sure that some of it had to do with the fact that I was in love with Mumford and Son’s latest album, and the mellow indie music set on repeat tuned out the screaming my body was doing. But there was more to it than that.

Earlier this week, The Hubs emailed me a comic by The Oatmeal. The author apparently took up running himself, and after 10 years and several marathons, finally wrote about why he runs. The Hubs thought I’d (a) find the comic terribly amusing, as I generally do with The Oatmeal comics and (b) relate to the comic on some level, given my new “hobby.” I did find the comic terribly amusing, but I didn’t entirely relate to it (e.g., my Blerch usually takes on the form of a DQ blizzard). And then I got to the end of Part 6, where the author says, “I’m an introspective person, and sometimes I think too much, about my job and about my life. I feed an army of pointless, bantering demons. But when I run, the world grows quiet.” Light from the heavens shone down. The author had nailed it. That’s exactly why I run and why I’ve come to enjoy running so much.

I run because it’s one of the only times I have to myself. It’s one of the only times where a work deadline isn’t crashing down on my head, house chores or schoolwork aren’t staring me in the face, people aren’t asking for my attention, and health issues aren’t causing worry to eat away at the lining of my stomach. It’s one of the only times where my introspective self isn’t overanalyzing something, and Regret, Doubt, and Fear aren’t piping up with their two cents worth (probably because my brain is too busy barking out orders like a drill sergeant—“Asthma, Shmasma. Airways, don’t you dare close!” “Soas muscle, $60,000+ was put into that hip you’re attached to, so quit yer whinin' and suck it up!”). Running is one of the only times where the real world and my own inner demons have stopped hassling me. Instead, it’s just me, my music, and the pavement. Simply put, I run to quiet the voices in my head. (The Hubs dared me to write that. Challenge accepted!) And it’s glorious.

Now I don’t run very fast, and I don’t run very far, but what I do run is enough for me. What I run gives me enough time to just be. The last few years have had their share of challenges, and running has provided me with a healthy escape and outlet from them. It’s allowed me to step out of my head, take control over something when many things in my life aren’t in my control (very important for a Perfect Melancholy like myself), and put a lid on those things and thoughts that cause me I allow to cause me so much stress. As the author says, “The world grows quiet.”

And that’s why I’m The Girl Who Formerly Hated Running. I wouldn’t say that I love running yet, but I definitely don’t hate it anymore. In fact, I look forward to the days when I walk out my front door and take a trip through my neighborhood, music blaring and mind quiet (save for the drill-sergeant brain). And I even registered for my first 5K! I highly doubt that this new hobby will turn me into a marathon runner, but I’m not entirely sure that I want to go back to soccer just yet. Running has, to quote the author in Part 4, allowed me to “[find] strength and [measure myself].” I know that soccer can do the same, but I’m not quite ready to give up that Me Time running affords me. So for now, I’ll keep pounding the pavement and enjoying the quiet.